I had a bad day. So I gave myself a canister of Pringles, Pepperidge Farm cookies, ravioli, Pinot Noir, and a French Manicure.

Nothing too terrible happened today.  However, I am depressed, so even tolerable days are miserable.

Anyhow, I took a trip to CVS thinking it might cure my tolerable-yet-still-bad day, and purchased a bunch of crap I didn't need, including a french manicure set.  I'm about half way done with it now.  I am currently typing with white stickers stuck to each finger.  The desired result:

Mine will look much worse, particularly considering my nails do not even go past the skin on the tip of my fingers.  Whatever.

I did not do any bar prep today, though I should have.  Instead I worked on a monster of an outline.

This post bores me.  I'm going to publish anyway.  Silly.

Saturday! Saturday! Saturday! Saturday!

Did you catch what the title is from?

Elton really has nothing to do with this post other than that today is Saturday, and I love that song.  Oh, and I'm slightly obsessed with the Royal Wedding.  Anyway, moving on.

I am sitting in bed, laptop on lap, an old episode of Grey's Anatomy playing in the background, and feeling quite sorry for myself.*

I'm in a really weird place right now, and I wonder if this is normal. I'm having some weird interactions with some law school friends, and feeling oddly rejected and sensitive over the whole thing.  I also made the decision to not see my main man this weekend, which is out of character for my co-dependent self.  Now, of course, I'm regretting that decision.  I did three practice essays and a performance test today, and I actually feel good about those.  I still cannot manage to muster up the desire to study for finals.  I also only opened my text books this semester about two or three times.  That means I have not read.  I always read for classes.  Not this semester.

Things are weird.  Off balance.  Whatever.  Is it graduation?  Is it pre-bar exam jitters?  Stress over having no job?  I don't know.  For all I know, this could be completely normal for me.  I just cannot even read my own emotions right now.  I even thought, for about five minutes today, about getting my Ph.D.  Weird.  What am I supposed to do with that?

*I also have a coffee mug full of cranberry-vodka.  Putting this fact in a footnote makes me feel better about myself.  I'm pretty sure the fact that I put this in a footnote, and that it makes me feel better to have this noted here, is a sign of alcoholism.  Now I'm not feeling so much better. 

Performance Test Apathy, Anger, and Irritation

I completed a performance test that asked me to create four declarations, numbered "disputed facts," and the argument section of a motion for summary judgment.  This was very daunting.  I half-assed it.  I found myself pissed at the Bar Examiners for writing such a monster of a performance test, which lead to the development of an apathetic attitude in completing the assigned tasks.

I know I have to drop this attitude in order to put forth my best efforts on the real thing.    Performance tests were my strong suit. 

To move or not to move

My lease is up in July.

The place I'm currently at is nice -- a little out of my price range (and if I renew for a year, likely to go up $100 a month) -- but otherwise nice amenities, friendly enough staff, and well-kept.  Forget the weird cockroach infested outdoors, and the one creepy neighbor with the huge eyes, and it is a great place to live.

I could move into an unknown place, likely with more outdated amenities and worse management or staff, but probably about $150-200 cheaper than the place I am currently at.

It seems like the obvious choice is to move.  However, the thought of packing up all of my belongings during Bar prep is overwhelmingly stressful.  Now I just have to decide if the stress is worth possibly being evicted in September for an inability to pay my current rent...

This is only one of the topics weighing on my mind as Bar prep approaches.  More fun to come as I find problems with every little thing going on in my life.

I am a pessimist.

July 28, 2011

The last day of the 2011 California Bar Exam.

War stories to come.  Stay tuned.