How am I supposed to pass this test again?

I am scoring consistently horribly on these multiple choice tests.  I have yet to attain the "goal" of a 65%.

I am truly scared.  Barbri is fun and all...but at this point it seems impossible to pass the California Bar Exam.  Especially if Property appears as one of the Essays.

I will not give up - I paid a lot of money to take this test and become a real lawyer.  However, I am going to move on from Property and just hope I score off the charts for the remaining subjects.
 

Completely beyond the scope...

I am learning things about my Mother that I never appreciated or recognized in the past.  It is actually quite uplifting.

She's supremely smart.  Tell her something once and not only will she never forget it -- she can apply it in situations where applicable, beyond which you intended its original purpose, but something that is absolutely applicable and appropriate -- something you never thought of before.

She is thoughtful and pointed.  When she has something to say, she does not just blurt it out (as I tend to do) but she waits for the right moment and says it in such a way that the statement and its meaning are at the equilibrium of impact.

She is not afraid of stating the truth, even if it is contrary to popular opinion or appropriateness.  Perhaps I appreciate this because it is refreshing to meet people who are not carbon copies of one another, or longing to be as such.  She should write a book.

She knows how you are feeling without you telling her.  She can see it on your face. 

I love my mother.  It is such a gift to me that I am able to spend this time with her and learn these things about her that I am confident I knew and admired as a young girl...and somehow lost along the way.  Until now.

Day 4 -- Not feeling so hot

Four days in, and feeling like a complete idiot.

I have never scored so low on a multiple choice test, ever, before this week.

Barbri has an interesting feature where it allows you to answer a designated number of multiple choice questions, and then it lets you know your score and your percentile rank with all other Barbri students.  In one section of Constitutional Law, 86% of Barbri students scored higher than me.  This does not bode well.

I have continued making flash cards, but I am unsure of how useful they will be.  I am hoping that the process of writing things down will do something for me. 

As far as the lectures go -- I am afraid that after all these years in school, writing down lecture notes has become so rote that although I am a professional at taking fast notes, I am not paying attention whatsoever to the meaning of what I am writing. 

And as to keeping up with the assignments -- so far it isn't too bad.  That being said, it is not hard to answer a couple sets of multiple choice questions, go over the answers, and watch an hour long video.  It is the reading part that kills me.  Anyhow, it is now time for a glass of Le Cheap Cabernet and a cheesy movie. 

Bar/Bri, Day 1

It has been a long day and I am having problems ordering words correctly to form sentences.  As such, creating paragraphs is likely impossible.  Here are some sentences/words:

• What's up, hyper blonde law lecturer?  Rather than drinking coffee, I am listening to you every morning. 
• 45 minutes is too long to answer 25 multiple choice questions.  Thank goodness.
• Criminal Law guy - you are my hero.
• I am paying almost $4k to have some random person push play on a DVD player . . . and all I get is a lousy lanyard.
• Definitely not keeping up with the reading...140 pages tonight?  I don't think so.  Try 20.
• I like the Paced Program on barbri.com.  
• Flash cards.
• Less than 50% multiple choice questions correct.  Shoot.
• 65% on the MBE and 65% on the written portion do not add up to the 1440 needed to pass.
• It was not so bad.

Countdown to The Big Days:  63 days.

Another post on Day 1:  lisslo

Just started studying for The Big Days (via Bar/Bri method)

I have been taking practice tests for about 6 months now, but I officially started re-learning/studying the law today.  Bar/Bri told me to "Read" about certain subjects...that got old very fast.  This is dry material.  Reading cases is much more fun.  Wow.  I never thought reading cases would be more fun than something.

In order to make things more interesting, I purchased a huge package of index cards and I have begun making flashcards from the mini-outlines Bar/Bri provided.  Reading these outlines, as Bar/Bri suggested (3 total for today) would have taken me maybe three hours total.  Flash-carding these outlines will take twice as long.  Which is why I am already behind -- I am only 1/4 through Torts

In other news...

Cannot.  Stop.  Listening.

Countdown:  64 days until The Big Days.

Purpose

Writing this blog is not about recognition.  I do not need to be linked to or quoted or what have you. 

Why did I start this blog?  I researched for some time to see if I could find a blog from a recent student who took either a 2010 or 2009 California Bar Exam and blogged about it.  All I could find were posts about passing or failing.  I could not find anything about the process.  Recognizing this, I decided to fill the hole. 

That being said, we all must realize that in all of our endeavors we still have to deal with our every day lives -- which is why I am going to post about things that are relevant to my life, and how that is going to impact my studying.  If a post is so off-topic and irrelevant to the general subject of the California Bar Exam, I will note it by tagging it, "a post that is beyond the scope of this blog."

Probably most importantly, I write this blog for me.  Simply put, it helps.  I would say enjoy, but I do not care if you do or not.  

Mother's Day

Picking out a Mother's Day card was really hard this year.  I usually look for a slightly humorous one that doesn't pull on any heart strings.  This year was different; this could be the last Mother's Day card I buy for my mother.

I read every card the supermarket had before deciding on one with a sweet sentiment and an even sweeter design.  And when I arrived with the card (cash stashed inside), I completely forgot about what this Mother's Day could be.  I made her lunch, we talked about her upcoming appointments, and everything seemed normal.  She was in a great mood, too.

Today was a good day.

99 probems

I have problems.  We all do.  Some people are good at dealing with their problems, recognizing how to get on with their lives, and still accomplishing what they have set out to do.

I am not one of those people.  Maybe that is another problem I have.  Or maybe it is a problem that I think it is a problem.  What is for sure is that the fact that I believe I am not the type of person who can accomplish what I have set out to do is a problem.  A huge one.  Especially in light of the Big Days approaching.

What follows is a stream-of-consciousness list of all that vexes, worries, perplexes, and otherwise weakens my self esteem and confidence in passing The Test.

1. The pass rate for California is low.  It was 68% for first timers last July.  32% of us did not pass last year.  That sucks.  I know a handful of intelligent, accomplished, and overall good people who failed.  And yes, I know that the former Dean of Stanford Law School failed, and Jerry Brown and Pete Wilson.  Still.  Failure is scary.  
2. My bank account is running on empty.  I worry that I am going to be in the middle of studying and not able to pay my rent.  Or my bills.  Extra loans are not an option for me.  I mean that; it is not as though the option is even open to me.  Yuck.
3. "The only people I know who failed had a death in the family . . ."  An immediate family member of mine has a life threatening illness.
4. ". . . or did not follow the BAR/BRI schedule."  The BAR/BRI schedule is intense.  I do not know how plausible is it for me to actually be able to complete every task assigned.  No idea.  Hope I can do it, but I worry that I can't.  Especially considering that I can hardly bring myself to study for finals currently.
5. A support system.  I do not feel like I have one.  It is a problem in and of itself that I personally do not believe I have a support system.  It is another problem if one actually does not exist, as this is something that doctors often require before one can undergo major surgery.  Without a support system, the likelihood of success and recovery post-op for patients is lower.  As of late, I have felt some push back from some friends.  Things were not as they seemed, and now I have no one to talk to as far as that front goes.  My family . . . we are going through a difficult time, and the worst has been brought out in some of us, while others have their own problems to deal with.  My Man . . . likes to think he is supportive, and he is.  But I find it difficult to talk to him without a filter.  I can't really even rely on myself.  My emotions are running at a record high, and I myself have become unpredictable, moody, and overall miserable.  Ugh. 
6. I lack physical fitness.  Fitness is important.  One needs endurance, health, stamina, mental sharpness, and mental strength in times like these.  My single "up side" is here:  this is something I can control.  I just need the will and discipline to do it.
7. I have no post-bar job opportunity.  See #2.  I fear I will need to add "Fry Chef" to my resume.  
8. IRAC is stupid.  I get it.  I understand it's usefulness.  But sometimes, it just does not work.  Rule...okay, that's the easy part.  Analysis...plugging facts into the rule.  Conclusion?  I have no freaking clue what the actual result will be.  Issue?  There are A LOT OF ISSUES.  Which ones do you want to know?  The big ones, the little ones, the little ones within the big ones?  And why do I have to tell you this.  I have made it this far hating IRAC and I do not plan on discontinuing that.  I pray that I somehow learn to love and embrace IRAC in the next two months.  Please!
9. Nightmares.  I have not had a good night's sleep in a couple of weeks.  I keep having nightmares.  In order to get through the next two months, a good night's rest is important.  And I know my hypersensitivity to all of these problems is an issue that impacts my sleep.  Still.  I can't sleep!  Help!  Nightmares need to end.
10. I have a hard time getting up in the morning.  See #9.  Sometimes, I simply choose not to wake up.  I just sleep all day, because I do not care about getting up and accomplishing things.  This needs to stop.
11. This list will go on.  Stay tuned.

Pity me.  Or empathize.

My request was fulfilled....

An illustration of the "compound."  I wondered in my previous post if this type of image would be released.  I severely underestimated the pride this country's defense team has in general and over this incident. 

Also, the photos of the actual compound?  Rather underwhelming.

Finally...Osama shielded himself with one of his wives?  Seriously?

And...back to studying for finals, and not the bar exam.

Nightmares & bin Laden

Lately I have been enduring graphic and colorful nightmares as I sleep.  This tends to happen to me in times of high stress and emotion.  Back in 2001, after the attacks in NYC, I had some of the scariest nightmares about Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda attacking my Dad's house in suburbia California.

With news of bin Laden's death, I find myself curious about how exactly this operation went down, what the compound looked like, and how the soldiers involved escaped without being hurt.  The articles thus far have been devoid of specifics.  I'm sure there are important reasons for the vagueness.  Still, I'm curious.  A movie will likely be made about the mission, and in spite of its fictional nature I will buy into it.  I just love historical fictions.  I wonder what retaliation efforts will look like.

That is really all I have to say about all of this.

The truth

I saw my mom today.  She has cancer.

Over the weekend, I saw a really old man cross the street.  By himself.  No assistance of any devices or people.  My mother, probably 30 years younger or more than he is, uses a walker and/or a wheel chair depending upon her energy level that day.  Life is so fucked up.