I need a sound effect for this post that sounds like a firework is going to go off but instead, after all that climbing and climbing into the air and the progressively higher pitch the sound of its soar gets...pffffffft. It's a dud. That was today.
Today was a long day - I think I actually put in a full 12 hours. Still, I did not manage to accomplish what I set out to accomplish. That is, I did not learn Professional Responsibility in a day. At least I hit the books.
I do not feel anywhere near prepared. I still feel like I am not studying enough. Still not memorizing...someone told me that was supposed to happen at some point here. When does that start?
I know this is going to sound hypocritical of me, considering my moody blogs...but believe me, this summer has been relatively low stress. This is nothing compared to first year of law school. Everyone I know freaked out all summer long last summer. Why does this feel so uneventful for me? Why do I not feel like the most important test of my life is coming up? When will that stuff start? I kind of feel like I need to to kick my ass into gear. Calm before the storm? Perhaps...and I hope so.
I am not one of "those" people, either. Those people that don't study. I'm putting in the time, doing 90% of the Barbri requirements. Practicing essays 6 days of the week. Making outlines, and outlines from outlines. But I just feel like it is not sinking in, the information is getting put into different places and taking different forms every day, but I'm still just copying crap out of the CMR; even when I know I've already copied down that rule somewhere else just because I like to go in order, and include everything.
Those people who are sitting on their asses, playing computer games or shopping or hanging out with friends...I'm not doing that. No weddings, no bachelorette parties. A couple small get togethers in June, with non-law school people, that's all. No night's out on the town, no long lunches. None of that. It's just me and my books. I dictate my breaks...probably grant myself too many...but I'm not watching reruns of Gossip Girl or anything like that. No Sex and the City marathons. I actually went to all the Barbri lectures. I'm doing what I believe I'm supposed to be doing...and somehow feeling like I need to be doing more...but what more can I do?
Today is a complete failure and I feel a waste of precious study time, in spite of the fact that I studied all day. I still know nothing. Tomorrow, you better bring me your worst.
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